He's so good looking! Why would HE like ME?

He's a self confessed 10 out of 10. And I agree; he is very good looking but I'm just average. Yet he seems really interested in me and he's even asked me out on a proper date so its not just a sex thing. I've never had a real boyfriend so this is so bizarre to me. I just don't get why he'd be wasting his time with someone like me.

Firstly, I'm going to start things off on a positive note. Not every guy is a shallow, childish boy looking to find a girl that he can show off. You may not be the most attractive girl but maybe there is something else about you that he really likes. Maybe it's the way you smile or the way you dress or your intelligence. I don't know you personally, but I do know that every single person has something amazing about them that makes them completely unique. You have so much to offer. So when you say he'd be 'wasting his time with someone like you', I have no idea what that means because you are not a waste of time and you should not be telling yourself that.You should be telling yourself that a guy would be lucky to have you because you're amazing, and until you do that, the only type of guys you will attract are useless ones that'll want no more than to make you feel even worse about yourself. I'm sure that you are a beautiful girl who has so much to give, but the world can only see that once you start to believe it and let it be seen. He might already see all this about you and that might be why he is interested in you.

Now, on a slightly more negative note, when I read this, there were only three things that went through my mind.

1. A girl with low self esteem.

2. An arrogant guy

3. The typical situation between an arrogant guy and a girl with low self esteem.

I've already touched on the first point earlier on but I'm going to explain to you why it's so important.

Let me give you an example. You want to borrow a pair of shoes from me. I have two options that you can borrow, both bought at the same time, both shoes I liked at the time I purchased them. However, one pair of shoes were more expensive than the other and just by looking at the two, you can tell. The expensive pair are in pristine condition. They are my favourite pair of shoes. Every time I wear them, you see me walking gently and frantically cleaning off any marks that may have appeared. The other pair of shoes are cute. I wouldn't run through mud with them on but once I get home, I kick them off and they land somewhere in the pile with my other shoes. When you borrow both pairs of shoes, is there a difference in the way you'll treat them?

I'm going to briefly move on to the second point but I'll come back to that question.

Now, I don't know whether you are not describing this guy in his best light but all I got was arrogant, and to me, that is one of the worst traits to have. Arrogant people are the type that are self proclaimed 10/10's whether they are truly 10's or 5's or 3's or whatever it is they may be. And because they love themselves so much, they like people who love them too because these people are just looking for others to feed their ego. I believe any relationship, platonic or romantic, is not healthy if it is based on the love/admiration of only one of the people.

So now lets go back to the question I asked earlier about the shoes. I'm sure the answer is that you'll treat my more expensive shoes with more respect and be careful to make sure they return to me in the exact same condition they were in when I gave them to you. If you're not a b!tch you'll also treat the other pair of shoes decently simply because they aren't yours. But either way, there'll be a difference in the way you treat the two pairs of shoes. The reason for this is simple and it is what is going to take me onto the last point. It's all about value. I used price to make the difference in value very clear in my example, but even if we imagine the shoes were both the same price, one had far more value to me which is the real reason for why you would treat them so differently.

Imagine yourself as one of the pair of shoes, from the way you value yourself, you would be the pair that I don't really care for. Now imagine him as the borrower, he wouldn't treat you great because he is under the assumption that you don't have much value. In the same way, he would see him self as the really expensive pair of shoes that need to be treated well, and you the borrower, that must treat him in a way that aligns with his self value. This is why the girl with low self and arrogant guy relationship is very common. There's the one person with extremely high self value who gets worshipped and the other with low self value who does the worshipping. But the reason why this works temporarily is the same reason it'll eventually come to an end. Think about it, do you want the thing with high value or low value? Soon enough, the worshipped decides they also want something with high value and who can blame them for that?

You haven't told me enough for me to know whether or not this guy is genuinely interested in you so I won't comment on that. You need to work it out for yourself and it shouldn't be hard because we can tell a lot about how someone values us from the way they treat us. Your goal is not to be the most valuable thing in the world but instead to know that you have value and find someone that acknowledges that and treats you like their most valuable thing. But until you know your own value, no one else will know it. So much of the way we are treated by other people is down to us because the way we treat and see ourselves sets an example for how others should treat and view us. This is one of the reasons why sex early on can have such a negative effect; to a lot of guys it dramatically decreases your value. From what you said I'm guessing you did have sex before actually dating which makes me worry about his intentions, but him asking you out on a real date is step in the right direction.

In order for this relationship to end in a better way than the rest that are similar, the dynamics are going to have change. In my opinion, you are not ready for a relationship and you won't be until you realise that even the most attractive guy in the world is going to have to work for your attention. Not because you are better than him but because you have things to offer which are just as good as he does.

I really hope I was helpful and that over time you learn that you are of value and find someone who can realise you are one of a kind and treat you accordingly.

Best of luck,

Leanne